


The Cold War

by SpecificTaigu



Category: Girls und Panzer
Genre: Comedy, F/F, Multi, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-07
Updated: 2015-04-07
Packaged: 2018-03-21 17:20:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3700703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpecificTaigu/pseuds/SpecificTaigu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The commander of the Saunder's school tankery team has been cozying up with the commander of Pravda's team, and Vice-Commander Nonna is not jealous at all. She is angry to witness such a brazen display of American arrogance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Cold War

Nonna did not do things in half measures; she excelled at all things or died trying, and that was what made her admirable in combat and in interpersonal matters. In a tank, she struck fear into the hearts of her enemies right before delivering the death blow and sending them reeling in fiery spectacles across the ground. On foot, she inspired awe first by her stature and second by her steely gaze which never wavered. She carried her school’s greatest commander upon her shoulders, and proudly lifted her and her teammates to loftier heights than they had ever dared to dream of. She had shorn herself of every scrap of personal weakness, and was content with her unfaltering will and conviction in everyday life.

 

So how had it come to pass that she found weakness creeping into her once more after having been a solid rock of willpower for so long? How had such sentiment crept beneath her radar so skillfully that it had popped up right in her face without warning? Much like the Ooarai tank had lay in wait under the snow, so too did these feelings strike upwards and punch through her armor with great effectiveness.

 

Nonna was not sure, but she knew that it had something to do with that girl. The one who, even now, lay draped across her couch, snacking on Katyusha’s favorite cookies and idly watching the television. Commander of the Saunder’s school tankery team, Kei, made herself at home in the apartment that Nonna shared with Katyusha more and more frequently as the school year came to a close, apparently unphased by thoughts of exams.

 

When confronted, Kei just grinned the type of grin a fool would wear, and exclaimed, “As long as I give it my all, the outcome will always favor me, and if it doesn’t, it will have been fun!”

 

It was asinine.

 

Katyusha padded into the living room, apparently following the sound of someone munching on her snacks, and when she saw Kei she shouted in bad Russian and leaped on top of her, wrestling the cookies away. Kei laughed, loudly, and surrendered the cookies, choosing instead to wrap her arms around Katyusha’s waist, burying her face in the smaller girl’s stomach.

 

Katyusha squirmed and yelled, “Release Katyusha this instant!”

 

Kei acquiesced, beaming proudly and wiggling around until she was sitting up with her back pressed against the armrest. “Yes, proud Katyusha! I follow your command!”

 

Katyusha seemed contented with this, and she maneuvered herself until she was comfortably resting with her back against Kei’s stomach, her head gently pillowed on Kei’s chest. She took a large bite of a cookie before offering it back to Kei who happily snagged it from her fingers with her mouth.

 

Nonna watched this entire display with a wide variety of emotions that she captured, considered, and catalogued as efficiently as she could. She was annoyed at Kei’s friendliness towards Katyusha, even though she knew that it wasn’t mere friendliness; she was disgusted by the cutesy display under her own roof and at the weakness it boasted; she was jealous. Nonna’s eyebrows twitched, the only sign of irritation that slipped past her iron defenses. She was not jealous. She did not get jealous.

 

She saw Kei nuzzle her face into Katyusha’s soft hair, and she felt a flood of anger surge through her. She was angry because the faux-American menace had weaseled its way into her home with the intent to infiltrate and steal their most precious resources. There was nothing else that made her angry, not that Katyusha smiled and relaxed without her or that Kei was permitted to touch Katyusha more or less how she pleased. She was not angry that Kei spent so much time with Katyusha or that Katyusha was able to rest her head on Kei’s ample chest.

 

Nonna felt heat rise into her face, and she did an about-face and marched herself into the kitchen. She stared long and hard out the window as snow fell less gently and more slanted than it would if they hadn’t been on a moving ship. Her devotion belonged entirely to Katyusha. Her devotion belonged entirely to Katyusha. There was not a speck of her that wished for that to change, and indeed she knew that it wouldn’t. They had been more than friends for a long time; they had been comrades at arms and two parts of a whole being. That whole being, of course, was a taller, more mature appearing Katyusha.

 

That’s it.

 

Nonna slammed her fist against the counter, rattling dirty tea cups in their soiled saucers. She finally understood what made her angry, and she thrilled knowing it was not jealousy that set her face aflame.

 

She tromped back into the living room, spying Kei and Katyusha both still rapt in attention as gunfire sprayed on the screen, an uneaten cookie hanging in the air before Katyusha’s mouth as it lay open but unmoving.

 

Nonna stomped her boot, and crossed her arms over her chest. “Commander Kei!”

 

Kei and Katyusha’s heads snapped as one to attention; Kei was curious but enthusiastic; Katyusha seemed mildly alarmed.

 

“Yes,” Kei chirped in reply, “Vice-Commander Nonna?”

 

Katyusha squirmed, but Nonna chose to narrow her focus to the fool smiling at her without fear. “You say that you love Katyusha. Is it not so?”

 

Kei’s face twisted in puzzlement, her tone adopting a more formal air. “It is as you say.”

 

Nonna sniffed. “How can this be so when you only love half of Katyusha’s majesty?”

 

Katyusha looked at Kei, aghast. “Is this so? You only show love to a small portion of Katyusha?”

 

Kei shook her head, confused but not ruffled. “I love all of Katyusha. From her mighty head to her proud feet.”

 

Katyusha turned her hot glare towards Nonna. “Explain yourself, Nonna. You accuse Commander Kei of treachery. Is it so? How does she betray Katyusha?”

 

Nonna settled her hands on her hips and slowly shook her head. “Katyusha is strong and fearsome.”

 

Katyusha interrupted, pleased. “It is so!”

 

“But the Katyusha before you is incomplete.”

 

“What?” Katyusha recoiled, mouth agape. “What is the meaning of this?”

 

Nonna thrust her thumb up, jabbing it at her collar bone. “Without Nonna, Katyusha is not whole! Nonna is a part of Katyusha that cannot be left behind!”

 

Katyusha clapped her hands once, and nodded eagerly. “It is so! Nonna is the right arm of Katyusha!”

 

Nonna let loose a sigh of contentment, glad that her point got across and happy for the praise. Kei seemed at a bit of a loss, her eyebrows knit together in thought and her lower lip jutting out ever slightly. Quietly, she seemed to mull over what Nonna had said, until she blinked and smiled broadly.

 

Kei lowered her eyelids and folded her arms on the armrest, laying her chin on top of them so she could peer up at Nonna. Nonna took a step back, unsure of what kind of assault Kei was launching.

 

Kei’s eyebrows rose, and she spoke in a low tone that Nonna had not heard her use before. “Vice-Commander Nonna. Are you asking me out?”

 

Nonna took a step back before steeling herself. She was stronger than this.

 

Kei looked at the floor and then back up at Nonna with a small smirk. “If you’re wanting in on this, you don’t have to make up silly excuses.”

 

Katyusha came up behind Kei and peered at Nonna over her head, resting her hands on Kei’s shoulders and her chin in Kei’s hair. “Yes, Nonna. You have always been welcome in Katyusha’s arms, and comrade Kei has a fondness for your appearance. You may join us.”

 

Nonna faltered. She felt sweat trickling down the back of her neck, and she couldn’t find the words to speak. She lacked composure. She was completely undone.

 

Kei shot the final shell to breach the hull of her defenses. “Show me what the right arm of Katyusha is capable of, comrade.”

 

Nonna pivoted in a single, swift motion, and retreated. The battle was lost; her enemy was too formidable. But she would live to fight another day, and the war would be hers. Kei would regret this. She had chosen her opponent poorly.

 

Nonna did not do things in half-measures; she excelled or died trying. If Kei thought that she could run Nonna in circles with her lidded eyes and pouty lips, she had another thing coming. If Kei attacked with sultry words and suggestive phrases, Nonna would obliterate her with a seduction the likes of which the world had never seen. Kei would be swept up so suddenly and breathlessly that she would beg for mercy, and Nonna would give her no quarter.

 

Kei had fired the first shots, but Nonna would end it.

 

Kei wanted a war, but she would get a massacre.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes, you accidentally cause yourself to ship something nonsensical and random.  
> And sometimes you think about it so much that it starts to make sense, and that's the point at which you have entered shipping hell to never return.


End file.
